Two weeks on self-administered TRT / Ran 10km

It has been a nice two weeks since I started doing injections on myself. I first started on the ventrogluteal area (outer buttocks) on the left and right. Since the first injection, the subsequent ones don't feel as scary for me anymore, because the jab really does not hurt as much as I thought. The initial prick was the main barrier but once it was in and I started injecting, the whole process went smoothly. 

So I was reading up on Reddit about rotating injection sites to prevent the buildup of scar tissue since this is going to be a lifelong practice. Guys were recommended to rotate between the Deltoids (shoulders), Ventroglutes (outer butt) and Glutes (upper-right butt quadrant). So that makes 6 injection sites in total to rotate around.

I have been injecting twice a week of 62.5mg initially but titrated up to 75mg (0.3ml of 250mg/ml sauce), making it 150ml per week of testosterone enanthate.

I have ordered more juice from online websites and hope they reach me safely because I'm not sure how the delivery would be. It has been two weeks since the delivery and I haven't seen any updates.

This Wednesday I ran 10km to practice for my upcoming Spartan race in a week. Surprisingly I managed to complete it smoothly, and my breathing and physical capacity were strong throughout the run. Mentally I could hold up well without any thoughts of quitting. I ran a total of 21 loops around the office carpark (~500m each round). It was only until the last 4 rounds that my shoelace came out and it became a hassle for me as I continued running with the shoelace loose. I couldn't stop and bend down to tie the laces as I knew my legs would cramp up if I did. Proud of myself for completing that. The next day was a bit concerning for me since my knees both started hurting (Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome). Getting out of bed and climbing up and down stairs was difficult. Fortunately, that went away two days later after much rest and I could continue with my daily squat routing again.

The spartan race is in 1 week and I am quite excited about it. Hoping for good weather and a safe journey since I will be heading to Johor with my gym buddy, just the two of us taking the Spartan race, so we gotta look out for each other. Definitely do not want to get any injury while I am overseas.

Beginning Self-administered TRT

It’s been awhile since my Prescribed Testosterone Jabs (5 weeks after my second jab of Nebido to be exact). And much has changed in my protocol.

Basically, I started to do testosterone jabs on my own.

How it started was that I have been thinking about the cost of doing clinical testosterone at $400 every 2 months + blood tests $400 every 6 months + doctor administered jabs $50 every jab, which can add up significantly. On top of cost, the clinic protocol was also not helping me as 8-12 weeks cycles of Nebido causes me to experience the long tail drop of testosterone.

Just look at the two graphs below. With Nebido (Testosterone Undecanoate), the total T levels go through significant peaks and troughs throughout the cycles. This isn’t too good for the body’s adaptation to the hormone. In the graph below it resembles closer to the natural release of testosterone, by micro dosing a shorter ester of T at shorter intervals.

For my experience from Nebido, on both the jabs, I started to feel downsides from the 4th week onwards and I had to wait 4 more weeks before I can get the follow-up jab. This protocol has too much fluctuations and is not healthy for my own wellbeing. When I first started Nebido I was like meh this is fine I’m gonna be okay with 8 weeks durations and lesser injections is better (because I was scared of needles), but having experienced the drop in testosterone and not being able to do anything about it has made me choose to take testosterone replacement therapy into my own hands.

I went on the webs and started searching for options. And that’s how I stumbled onto underground testosterone. I could obtain Testosterone Enanthate (8 days half-life) from e-commerce platforms. When I saw that I immediately purchased some and stocked up on them. As expected, the store listings got banned within a week after I purchased.

Subsequently, I asked around friends on IG and got linked up to a website that allows purchase of T with bitcoin. I had my doubts of the authenticity of the T since it’s not pharma grade but then I guess there takes some level of trust. I did my due diligence on reddit and cross checked references to know that the T can be trusted. Underground Labs testosterone (UGL) might have impurities or contamination but to me I feel that I’ve got to try or I’ll never know, and after all, others have been doing UGL without issue. Why would UGL want to make sham products and lose their reputation when they could make T for cheap and earn money from it.

It was at this time after having stocked up on vials and ampoules of T, when I thought, it’s about time I learn to inject myself and take this TRT thing on my own. Did lots of readings online and of course YouTube and Reddit provided tons of educational readings on how to inject with a needle, how to handle a vial etc etc. I must say it was a good experience learning all these because what other occasion in life would allow me to learn about self-medication.

So some stats on my starting protocol below:

I started my first jab of Test Enanthate 62.5mg twice a week (125mg per week total) last week. Using 18G 1.5” needle to draw T into a 1cc syringe, and inject using 25G 1” needle Intra-muscularlu (IM) into Ventroglute / Glute / Deltoid.

Probably the biggest trouble I faced was how to handle a Luer Slip needle because I thought needles were screwed on but these needles were just slipped on and the needle cap is hell difficult to pull apart. Aside from that, the actual injection was surprisingly not that eventful, as it goes as expected in one smooth motion and not much pain is felt. Of course, the first self-jab took some mustering of courage but it quickly went by as it wasn’t as scary as it seems (it’s just a 0.25ml jab on a tiny little needle).

More insights to come in the coming weeks.

Was I working smart or taking a shortcut?

So there’s a carpark with a circular design, where it only goes clockwise, so there was an available lot to the right where I just entered which required me to go one big round just to park there because it’s one way only. In the spur of the moment, seeing no other cars around, I took the chance and went against the direction to take the parking lot.

This got me thinking, that there are certain instances in life when we got to make the smarter choice to take a shortcut, so as not to waste valuable time going the full circle just to get to the same end goal.

Given that I was not inconveniencing other people (since I checked that there was no imminent traffic as I went against the flow), would this be considered wrong? Ethically speaking, I cannot say that there were no other cars who turned to the longer path and I was not able to see them, and by taking the shortcut, I might have stolen their chance. But regardless of that, if I were to look at it selfishly, ultimately this decision was for my own good.

Similarly, in life, there is a fine line between working smart and taking a shortcut. We have to act smartly to not waste significant amounts of time in our lives slogging away (going the long path) and not be noticed.

Fear and Regret

Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.

I'm glad to be alive

Few times in our lives do we experience life-or-death moments that we see our life flashing past us.

Yesterday I experienced it from a neck-cracking incident that happened at the barber. It was at the end of my haircut at my usual barber (although a different guy), when he held my skull in both hands and did a sudden jerking movement to the right to crack the spine. At that moment, I was stunned and did not know how to react because I would have thought he would ask me for consent before doing that. He went on to do the neck crack in the other direction. When that finished, I felt really uncomfortable and t started I began to feel angry inside. I did not confront him because I thought it might be his usual practice. But in my mind, I was fuming with anger knowing that I could have been paralyzed by this dangerous maneuver. I was worried that something might happen to me, not right away, but some time later, as I read articles of people who had neck cracks and subsequently required mechanical breathing support for the rest of their lives because their diaphragm stopped working. phrenic nerve damage, loss of breathing function.

I never liked any of these 'chiropractic adjustments' because I never once believed in any of that shit. "Releasing muscle tightness", "Readjusting the joints" and all that bullshit. The act of having your neck twisted has far too many risks - vertebral artery dissection, brain damage from carotid artery blockage, and cervical spine damage.

Today I woke up, and as I did not feel any discomfort, I felt grateful that I was alive and well. We seldom stop to think that life is precious and pause to appreciate the gift of life we are given. I'm just glad that nothing went wrong.

Falling in love with running

As a bodybuilder (not a professional one mind you), I’ve generally been hesitant to run. I perceived running as a burden on my gains at the gym, as my goal is to get as big as possible (95kg, 15% bf).

I began seeing YouTube videos of Braden Wuerch, Nick Bare, Marcus Hunt and other athletes who included running in their weekly routine, and yet they could still look impressively huge. I wondered how they kept up their swole physiques while still running with good endurance. Tbh, I believe they supplement their lifestyle with TRT to hasten recovery and maintain muscle growth. However, despite that, I’m not discounting the hard work that they put in to maintain this high-intensity lifestyle. 

Recently, I started to enforce twice-weekly runs to keep my cardio health at bay, and to improve my breathing and endurance. I want to stay strong for Spartan Race and IPPT which I do annually. As I continued this routine and got better at running, my mindset began to shift and I modified my fitness approach to one that is Hybrid (aka. A Hybrid Athlete trains like a CrossFit athlete to lift heavy and run far at the same time, having the functional strength and endurance of a military Spartan). 

Over time, I noticed that running provided me more benefits than I thought:

• Running is a form of active meditation - As I run, I feel a sense of freedom as I clear my mind of all thoughts. The solitude is slightly different from lifting at the gym, where I'm stationary and in my thoughts. Running allows me to absolutely clear my mind from thoughts and allows me to have a refresher for the day.
• Running is an active recovery from the exertion of lifting - With an increased heart rate from running, muscle recovery is improved as there is better circulation of blood to my muscles. Given that I do heavy squats every day that I work out at the gym (five days a week), doing runs helps to keep the muscles mobile and active.
• Running is like an adventure, while lifting is like my routine - When I lift in the gym, I go into my own 'zone' and work on the weights by myself. As I work at it repeatedly, I strive for progressive overload and work my muscles to failure. Running is different, in the sense that it gives me a fresh view of the outdoors, with the dynamic surroundings changing each time I'm out there. Be it a different path, or a different location, every run gives me a fresh environment to discover.
• Running is social, but lifting is personal - This last one might just apply to me only. I do not gym with other people (sharing benches / working on the same sets/reps). To me, lifting is a personal endeavour because we have our own levels of weights to push at and the exercises we do are tailored to our own preferences. Running, on the other hand, is easily a social activity as we can invite any friend along to run together and adjust our pace accordingly to the group. After all, a good run is about being the fastest. I'm not here to run and beat my running PRs. Running is an activity of consistency and mental perseverance.

I shall continue this weekly routine and keep up at running.

Got my 2nd testosterone jab

I took my 2nd testosterone jab (Nebido) at 5.5 weeks since my first jab,

The feeling after meeting my doctor was not that great and it got me thinking about whether I want to either stop doing TRT or do the Bangkok method of purchasing off the shelf at the pharmacy (New Medicine at 68 Suriya Wong, Bang Rak, Bangkok 10500, Thailand).

When I met my doctor, I updated him on the experiences I felt through the 5.5 weeks, libido and energy peaked in weeks 2-3 and slowly subsided until then. I then asked him several questions that I prepared beforehand:

• I shared my concerns about micro-embolism due to the large dose of 4ml in one go. He said that he always aspirates and ensures to inject slowly to avoid this. At the same time, I felt that my question offended him, as though I was questioning his competency of injecting as a doctor.
• I highlighted that I had asthmatic symptoms of breathing difficulties in the week 2-3 and he assured me that it was nothing to do with TRT. I then also mentioned that I had a hematoma on the injection site after the first day of my jab and got a calf cramp on that leg. He said that it happens and is nothing to worry about, DVT does occur but it's rare.
• I then shared with him about the low symptoms I experienced again on week 5 and asked if he is okay to be flexible with the cycle duration as compared to the standard one. The standard he was willing to give was 8 weeks but in case I might need it earlier due to symptom recurrence would he be willing? On this part, he was adamant that the shortest he would go is 2 months (8 weeks) regardless of symptoms. He then told me that if I wanted a different cycle, feel free to go see another doctor or specialist. I felt that he was slightly dismissive at this moment, and he was doubting me for using TRT as a means of bodybuilding muscle growth. He said that amongst all his patients, I am the only one who is in my 30s, all other men he sees are in their 40s and 50s and want to supercharge their health and fitness. This part made me doubt myself whether I should be doing TRT or not. Because I did feel the lack of libido and weak erections before I started it but Cialis did help improve those symptoms. In terms of energy, I did feel an improvement when on TRT but it wasn't life-changing or anything, I still had to push myself mentally to get things done.
• My final question to him was whether he would write a prescription for me just in case he is not around when I need my jab and I can get it duly at any medical provider. This question sort of offended him because he said he did not understand the question, and that his clinic is open 7 days a week and even if he wasn't around there would be someone to stand by. I'm not sure what made him defensive but my concern was just that I would be tied down to coming back to him every 2 months.

Overall, now that I am on my second jab, I have started to think about the long-term financial impact that TRT will have on my life. $400 every 2 months + blood tests + consultation. Would it be financially feasible for me to do this long-term? What if I use the alternative Bangkok pharmacy method. I fly there every 3-6 months to purchase new supplies.

The gym life has stuck with me till this day

I have been thinking about how my commitment to working out at the gym has remained all these years since I was 15. That makes it a total of 15 years of working out by myself at the gym (I am 30 now).

When I was younger, my parents would frown on me attending the gym. They gave reasons that it would stunt my growth and I would not get good influences at the gym. I believe they had a perceived idea of the gym as a homoerotic place or a place that delinquents or lowlifes would go to. I don't blame them given that they come from a completely different generation from my own. Back then, I would go to the gym at Jurong Country Club (while my parents wished I had played golf with them there). I felt super intimidated by the guys there because they were all muscly and strong. In school, my classmates were in CCAs like swimming, rugby, tennis etc. while I was more committed to the gym. Sidenote: ngl but my draw to the gym was largely also due to my attraction to masculinity and hot men and during that period of my life I was exploring my sexuality, buying Muscle & Fitness / FLEX magazines to admire the great physiques of men. I wanted to be like them. To fit in.

Now as I look back at those classmates who were once really fit from the sports CCAs they were in, and compare them to where they are today in terms of fitness, I can see a stark difference in how they are now. Many have given up fitness to slog it out with work and family. They have beer bellies smoke their health away at nightclubs, and reduced their need for walking significantly ever since they got their own family/sports car. That is how society builds a man to be, but I am glad I did not fall into that cog in the wheel. Fitness and bodybuilding in the gym kept me committed to living a healthy lifestyle.

Today, even though family and friends do not outright tell me that they admire my commitment to the gym, their awe and envy of my physique and my daily routine signal to me that I am doing great.

The gym is much more than just building muscle, strength, cardiovascular health, stamina, and flexibility, it is also:

• A sanctuary from the stress of work and a busy life
• A ritual of discipline and effort
• A promise kept to my future self toward a healthier ageing and a better quality of life
• Something I keep in control amid a world that feels out of control
• A daily dose of emotional well-being
• A process, a journey, a way of life 

Week 5 on Testosterone

Now I am 5 weeks into my first testosterone jab and I have noticed some changes in my behaviour.

This week I had a slight downturn in my energy levels and moodiness has returned. There was more inertia in me to get to the gym and the weight that I lift in the gym felt heavier than before. It could be insufficient sleep (<7 hours per day) as a result of several nighttime events that occurred for me this week, breaking my strict routine of 9:30pm-5:30am sleep. Or it could be that I did more runs than usual, causing me to have delayed onset muscle fatigue.

I continued to push myself hard at the gym and I am glad that I completed a full week despite the huge drag. There were 2 days out of 5 training days that I really did not feel like stepping into the gym, and my body was telling me to take a rest and call it off. But my mind pushed through and I got to the gym, sustained through the toughest sets at the start and finished my routine without missing any exercise. In that, I am proud of myself.

I like that I am prioritising workouts first thing in the morning on weekdays because it places the importance and emphasis that fitness has in my life. I make sure that I clear them when I am fully recharged early in the day before I carry on with my life with a sense of accomplishment.

It's one week to go before I get my booster jab for nebido, I will continue to work hard and make the best out of this.

Go for it

It might be the magic number 30 or just the self-awareness that I am halfway through my health span (i.e. the highest age with good QOL and free from disease).

But in the last 6 months, I have observed changes in the way I approach life. Just six months ago, I was still playing the computer daily on Elder Scrolls Online, logging my daily quests and watching YouTube videos on how to obtain the seasonable rewards from the game.

Then at the turn of the new year, I took action to revamp my fitness and made the decision to check on my health. That was when TRT happened and it was also this time that I began to change my lifestyle quite drastically.

I started working out in the morning, changing my workout environment and I freed myself from being encapsulated by people who were dreadful about life and had a low drive for the joys that life offers. I made sure to surround myself with people who are driven and exude boldness for a purposeful life.

I was going through a tumultuous time last year, emotionally. It could be that my hormones were just not attuned properly or that my mid-life existential crisis had come up, but I was having deep internal conflicts in my career and family relationships. I was not talking to my dad and I hated him for not acknowledging anything that I do. My career felt stagnant and I was not making any personal progress. I decided to take a step out of my comfort zone and take the six-certificate program to boost my career CV, which just ended a few weeks back with the final and most difficult PMP exam.

Fast forward six months, and I feel really good about myself now. I made the decision to go on TRT to optimise my testosterone levels and to keep my emotions in check. Having stronger willpower, energy and drive to push myself to do greater things, I feel a sense of accomplishment for myself more than ever. The year ahead is still a shroud of uncertainty but I am sure that I am ready to take the leap of faith. I feel powerful in my endeavours for fitness, in my career opportunities, in my mindset and in the relationships that I nurture with me.

Just earlier last week, I spontaneously agreed to go for a run with my manager without making any plans for it. He told me he was going to run and asked if I wanted to join, and voila we went ahead for a run in the nature park. This experience got me thinking about how we should just seize an opportunity when it arises and just go for it. Don't overthink things. I observe that men with stronger masculine energy portray this behaviour of carpe diem. Go for it, seize the day and make the best out of what comes out of it. After the run, I felt so good, even though it was just a simple run, but deep down, the sense of accomplishment for pushing through the effortful activity and enjoying time with good camaraderie, made the experience feel purposeful and meaningful.

Questions for my TRT doctor

1. Does he aspirate the needle before injecting nebido? On the first night after the jab, I had a hematoma on my right butt cheek (dispersion of redness around injection site without pain) and subsequently that night my right leg got a cramp on the calf at night. My left butt cheek was fine and didn’t get any issues.
2. Is it normal that I had asthma on the 3/4th week. For a few days, I had somewhat of a difficulty breathing to my max capacity and breathing was more laborious. I also had phlegmy cough for that week. I can’t attribute it to any specific factors as it could be: dust in my room, high humidity from rainy weather, or actually pulmonary embolism from the injection.
3. Will he be flexible to do a 6-8 weeks interval to prevent the long tail drop off in testosterone in standard protocol. I’m worried that I might encounter low testosterone symptoms if the interval drags too long into 10-12 weeks. And I don’t want to have to wait and suffer through the low troughs just because of the standard protocol duration.
4. What happens if my doctor is not around during my new jab date? Will he prescribe me for testosterone nebido so that I can get the jab from any medical provider?
5. Should I be concerned for my hematocrit levels? Given the increased red blood cells, should I do a regular blood donation?
6. I have snoring issue during sleep. Should I be concerned if I have sleep apnea from this?

Finished PMP Exam

I passed the PMP exam!! Gosh, it was one of the hardest exams I have taken given how lengthy and scenario-based the questions are. And oftentimes, several options are so similar that it's hard to decide on a correct answer.

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I want to reflect on my whole experience for this PMP exam and what it was like to take the Pearson VUE exam from home. So I’ll reflect on each one separately:

Let’s start with the exam itself first and how I studied for it.

I must admit the exam was considerably difficult even though I practised sufficiently enough on question banks and practice exams. After completing my 35-hour pre-requisite course for the exam, I purchased on Skillcertpro (USD 20.00) the questions pack for PMP. In total, I practised 5 sets of test sets (each consisting of 65 questions). I felt demoralised after practising here as my score was always in the 40-50% range. After finishing the 5th question set, I realised that the questions were all testing on PMP 6th edition but the exam I was taking was already on the 7th edition. This was when I decided to make a switch and went ahead to purchase the PMI Study Hall Plus (USD 79.00) instead.

In Study Hall, I began going through the guidebook essentially thinking that reading content would help, but it was kinda dry and not enjoyable, so I went ahead to do the practice questions provided. There was a total of 200 practice questions which essentially makes up to be one full-length exam. My score was 65% and I felt a confidence boost. The 7th edition questions were largely on Agile concepts and highly scenario-based instead of the older format in the 6th edition which focused on predictive (waterfall) methods. At this point, I was two weeks away from my exam. In the days before the exam, I redid the practice questions and went ahead to do 2 full-practice exams in an exam setting (meaning a 4-hour time limit for 1 full exam session without help). Both the practice exam results were 73% and 70% consecutively.

Having read on Reddit that if you are getting 65-75% on Study Hall, you're good to go ahead with the exam. That made me feel confident that I was ready.

Came the exam itself and my honest opinion of it was - damn it's difficult. Many Reddit users wrote that it was moderately difficult and answers were clearer than on Study Hall, but in my case, I felt the opposite. During the exam itself, I had a hard time deciding between 2 options and often stared at the question blankly. One issue I have is that the questions were very wordy, and even though I have done numerous practices, none of the questions appeared the same - it was always a fresh question, or repeat question with fresh options. To me, the difficulty was almost like the expert-level questions I did in Study Hall. There were even questions where it asked of topics that I had never seen before - too bad I cannot remember anything any longer. 

My advice is to get Study Hall and just practice it inside out. 

Week 3 on Testosterone

Want to first celebrate my achievement for completing 6 consecutive weeks of consistent workouts. There were days that were hard, I had thoughts of not turning up, but I did it and I’m proud of myself.

My testosterone jab was on 2nd Feb so only 3 out of 6 weeks were boosted by testosterone.

I shall keep up this good work and make this year worthwhile with my best ever physique and fitness.

So back onto the updates of my testosterone effects on week 3. I caught a dry cough and felt sickly in week 3 and that likely caused a slight decrease in my energy levels. I also noticed that I did not drink coffee on one of the days (I’m a daily coffee drinker and sometimes 2-3 cups a day), and all of a sudden my energy dropped to extreme low levels that I felt sleepy the entire next day. I was worried that it was the TRT starting to wane. I drank lots of water and slept 9 hours and took naps on that day. The very next day I was still groggy in the morning so I drank 1 cup of black coffee and all of a sudden I became alert again. So luckily it’s not the TRT issue fingers crossed.

Overall I feel good and effects of T have been similar to the previous week but maybe slightly less intense. Maybe more of what normal feels like.

I have a major exam coming in two days so I shall focus wholeheartedly on that - PMP exam

What is your natural baseline?

I am fortunate that I did my testosterone blood test three years ago as it was able to show my baseline high level of testosterone in comparison to my low level this year.

Three years ago: 24.86 nmol/L (716 ng/dL)

Now: 15.4 nmol/L (443 ng/dL)

Male reference range 8.64 - 29.00

That was the evidence that helped me to get on TRT and gave me clear reasoning as to why I was feeling the symptoms now. If I had no testosterone history to compare against, then there would have been no basis of comparison to which a doctor can justifiably offer me TRT.

Even with the data, there were medical personnel online that doubted me and told me that TRT should not be for me. This is added to the fact that in Singapore, most people don’t know much about testosterone treatment and the immediate idea of using it is resulted from muscle gain intentions because of bodybuilding users who abuse it, which is tragically not the case and many men who suffer depression / emotional fluctuations / performance anxiety would seriously benefit from optimising their testosterone levels.

It is important for young guys in their twenties to go get their testosterone levels checked so as to have a knowledge of how high they were at (peak natural levels). This is the optimum level that you will want to live at.

TRT is not natty

Going back to the issue of whether I am natty or enhanced given that I am on TRT, I have read up on this topic and come to the conclusion that as soon as I started TRT I was no longer natty.

The reason is that even though my testosterone levels are optimised only to the upper ranges of natural physiological levels in males, my testosterone level on TRT does not fluctuate, unlike the body's natural production which will peak and trough through the day.

The adult male naturally produces on average 6-10 mg of testosterone a day and the amount is the highest in the morning and goes down by the end of the day. Testosterone production is also affected by lifestyle factors such as sleep quality, stress levels, nutrition and sexual habits. Some days the testosterone levels of a man will be low, and some other days it becomes higher.

However, for men like me who are on TRT, the exogenous testosterone levels do not fluctuate on a day-to-day basis but follow a wider peak and trough across the 10-week cycle as shown in the graph below.

At the 1-3 weeks mark after the injection of testosterone undecanoate (nebido), my testosterone will peak at the upper level of total testosterone at 800-1000ng/dL. Subsequently, as a result of the elimination half-life of testosterone undecanoate in castor oil, the testosterone levels will deplete up to the 8-10 week mark where it returns to my baseline level of testosterone.

Adding a note, even though I am enhanced/optimised, it is nothing compared to the enhancement that performance-enhancement drugs give, which would bring the hormone levels to supraphysiological levels (way above natural human achievable capacity).

Cialis while on TRT and the costs

Since I was prescribed by my doctor testosterone undecanoate jab (nebido) for low sex drive and tadalafil (cialis) for erectile dysfunction, I thought to give it a try and stack both the cialis with nebido to see if my erection function works better.

I was issued 4 pills of 20mg cialis tablets at the beginning for my “weekend use” as advised by my doctor due to the long acting 36 hours active period. My doctor also added that I will have to get an erection myself by getting turned on first before the cialis can work its magic. How cialis works is that it “plugs” open the bloodstream once the penis gets an erection so that it stays erected and takes longer and harder for the erection to go away. 

Hence, I did not take the cialis when I first got it because my sex drive wasn’t that spectacular and I felt that it’ll be pointless if I took cialis without being able to get hard in the first place.

Over this weekend, marks my two weeks mark into my first nebido 1000mg/4ml testosterone injection and I have begun to feel wonderful effects from it. Most notably, I have been having healthy morning erections and erections through the day. With that, I decided to pop one 20mg cialis pill as I was going to meet my partner for the weekend.

I took it on Friday evening and the effects were astounding I must say. Right on that evening, I had an erection like never before and could stay hard without continuous stimulation for a much longer period of time (from 1min to 10+ minutes). Moreover, I was harder than ever before as my penis had popping veins. It made me gain back my confidence once again and I felt an inner joy deep down that I’ve not felt for a long time. 

There were no major side effects and I drank a lot of water to prevent any potential headache that might happen (which thankfully never did). But I did get light headed after doing my 2.4km run on Saturday and had some asthma/wheezing which were very minor (but cannot be sure if caused by cialis).

My erections came naturally through the weekend and even on Sunday I was getting hard really easily. TRT with cialis has really been a miracle drug combo. I’ve always been mostly the bottom (receiving) during sex because my dick doesn’t work and I could not reach climax easily unless I jerked myself so my partner would be the one fucking me. This time round my erection was hard and solid so I could top my partner and even ejaculate like a cum blaster 9000. I’m really amazed and full of sexual confidence once again.

With that, I’ve been thinking about the monetary cost of sustaining this health enhancement for a continuous time:

Testosterone Nebido jab $350 + $50 assisted injection every 6-8 weeks (about $200 per month)

Cialis pills $100 for 4 pills used over each week (so $100 per month)

That works up to be roughly $300 per month and considering I would need regular blood work and checkups it might rise to $350-$400 per month on average. To me, yes it is pretty costly but if the cost is able to provide me with priceless benefits that improves my quality of life, confidence, motivation and health improvement, I think it is very well worth it. 

I shall think of there are alternative ways to obtain generic forms of cialis but if not then at least I should request from my doctor and fixed prescription so that I can get it easily on a repeated basis without worry in case I cannot get access to the same doctor.

The Death Grip

Ever since I decided to take action on my health, I started on TRT, ate 10 eggs a day and practised nofap and noporn. The aim is to improve my erections and make my libido stronger as I always felt that I had lower than average libido, and my erections took a while to get hard and subsequently become soft pretty quickly.

On the topic of nofap, my aim is to increase the sensitivity of my dick and raise the sensation and stimulation from having sex with a person instead of by myself and using porn to turn myself on. Throughout my life, I have been using porn to get off frequently and it has become such a deep-rooted habit that it has affected my sex life significantly. I would jerk off night and day even when I was not horny just because I started watching some porn videos and would use the death grip on my soft dick to try really hard to jerk something out. It was this mindless act that made me want to cum even though the actual sensation of cumming brought me no joy thereafter. This behaviour, I believe, led to my ED and lack of sex drive.

Having done nofap for two weeks, I definitely feel hornier and I feel more 'alive' instead of 'flat' from post-ejaculation fatigue. I do require more self-discipline to keep myself from touching my dick and I am glad that as of now I have kept to my words. I feel more animalistic three days into nofap and my mind would run astray and start going into a sort of hunting mode, making me want to fuck and have sex intensely. My mind would start thinking of sex and the urge to mate with someone would flood my mind. This gives me the training to test my discipline and self-control from finishing myself and diverting the focus to socialising and expressing my improved confidence with others.

One week into this nofap (no ejaculation also), I was so horny that I needed to nut myself so I gave myself the exclusion that allowed me to nut if I used a Fleshlight and thrust into it without any involvement of my hands. This simulation of sex would 

These are the rules I have set out for myself that are different from the general Reddit guidelines of what nofap should be:

1. I cannot jerk my dick by myself at any time 

2. I can jerk myself if I have sex with someone

3. I cannot use the death grip at all times

4. I will use lube along with 2 finger grip for jerking off with someone

5. If someone else jerks me off, that is fine

6. No porn while jerking 

7. If I need to release when alone, I will use a Fleshlight and thrust into it instead of hand assistance

8. I can stimulate my nipples and ass anytime by myself but no touching of my penis for self-stimulation

1 week on TRT

Week 1 Observations on Testosterone:

Sexual

- Sex Drive: My sex drive has improved a little bit, nothing drastic but I do feel horny more easily. I started to feel how I felt when I was younger. I changed from a flatlined non-sexual person who needs loads of stimulation to get turned on, to a man who now has an itch in his loins that needs to be scratched and the urge for sex is now present there if nothing is done for three days (nofap/noporn/nosex).

- Erectile Function: The amount of visual/physical stimulation needed to get an erection is reduced. Previously I had to jerk myself off for a while and look at porn to get hard but I could now get a hard erection just with thoughts in my head. I had morning wood recorded on 3 out of 7 days compared to 0 days before starting TRT.

- Nipples: My nipples feel more sensitive now and even a slight brush against an object would feel good on the nipple. Nipples are in the slightest bit more meaty and rubbing them would turn me on.

- Testicles: No observable changes in size.

Physical

- Muscle Strength: Over the last week's workouts I have managed to increase my PRs by 5-10% for barbell compound lifts. These exercises have stagnated in weight for some time (bench press 100 to 105kg, military press 60 to 65kg, bent-over rows 80 to 85kg, squats 80 to 85kg). I think likely that it is not just testosterone that contributed but also the change in my diet (10 eggs/day) that improved the numbers.

- Tendon/Ligament: With the increase in muscular strength from my workouts, I had three muscle strains all within the span of the first week. After my back day doing bent over row, I suddenly had a lower back muscle ache that got pretty bad. Whenever I bent to pick things up I could feel the strain. Then after shoulder day my right thumb started to get strain when extending. The funniest one was my neck muscle when I got horny at the end of the first week and decided to take out my fleshlight (it’s counted as nofap since I thrusted instead of using hands?). When I was ejaculating I had the most intense orgasm and as I was looking at myself in the mirror my neck was striated and flexed beyond what I’ve seen and then the neck strain hit. The strains are pain but I push through them by continuing my workouts anyway and they seem to subside when I mobilise them.

- Muscle Mass: My weight was 89kg on the day of the jab and now I am 91kg. Notable steady increase of about 0.4kg per day with some fluctuations in between. But with an increased appetite, I can see how this has increased my body weight.

- Muscle Pump: The pumps are bigger and more intense now after workouts at the gym and DOMS stay for longer. Before TRT, the DOMS would only be felt the next day on the muscle I was working out on. However, now I would feel DOMS across my body even though the workout was focused on a specific body part. For example, I did a shoulder workout and the next day I felt muscle swelling and soreness across my chest, back, shoulders, legs and arms. It could be that I am lifting heavier weights more intensely now so it is engaging more muscles across my body. Who knows.

- Sweating: Sweat glands are definitely starting to work harder now because I sweat more easily and my body odour is muskier and denser if I make any sense, like it's not so much a bad germy B.O. but more of a masculine smell that I like the smell of. It's probably the testosterone doing its work on my pheromones. To me, it's a plus because the smell now gives me more confidence (weird I know but I like my own smell lol).

- Thirst: Likely directly linked to the increased amount of sweating, the amount of water I need to drink on a daily basis has increased. In the past, I would fill my 600ml water bottle up to three times a day, but now I drink so much water that I would fill up the bottle 4-6 times.

- Acne: No observable acne occurrence.

- Water Retention: No observable water retention symptoms

Lifestyle

- Appetite: My appetite is BIG. When the hunger hits I really do feel it now. I can eat huge meals and get hungry again a few short hours later, and when the hunger hits I get a strong urge to eat right away. It's not the kind of hunger where I'm like okay maybe I will pick up a snack to eat. No. It's an urge to eat a full hearty meal. About that, the preference for food selection also tends toward high protein and meaty diets. I have no more cravings for sugary / processed / fried foods. My body craves eggs, meat and foods with solid nutritional value. Coke and candy do not interest me any longer.

- Sleep: I have better sleep now but I am unsure if it is by pure coincidence that I fitted air purifiers in my room to clean the air just last week (yes I am crazy about optimizing my health right now). I feel that I sleep more deeply and do not wake up in the middle of the night. Based on my daytime alertness, I would say that I am having better sleep. But the fatigue does come in naturally when nighttime hits so it's not like I have excess energy that keeps me up even at bedtime.

- Mental Clarity and Alertness: I am more awake in the morning hours and clearer in my thoughts, my vision feels more vibrant like I can focus in my present state more clearly.

- Mood: I feel more calm and collected. Negative thoughts do still stay in my head but I think I care less now of things if I feel like it's not important. 

- Motivation: Big improvements in motivation and I think this is where testosterone manages to pull all the improvements together. The saying that testosterone makes effort feel good does hold true. I have increased aggression (not in violence but an effortful drive) to push myself to do things and make myself better. There are less of the what-ifs and more of just taking action and doing things and getting things done to make myself better. Previously, it would take me quite an effort to drive out of the house and get to the gym on a weekend (when I could just rest in bed), but the drive now is more intense and I want to get myself going and doing things and not just be comfortable.

- Energy: Greater energy in the daytime, I feel more athletic and willing to move around. I do get a little restless when I am stationary for too long, but as long as I keep myself occupied with things and move out and about, the energy is burnt off well, and then I'm good. 

- Stress and anxiety: I think I was put in some stressful situations during the week, especially during the Chinese New Year period when I had social gatherings and social anxiety would usually run strong. I feel more calm and can handle my emotions better. In fact, my emotions have become more masculine and I no longer become emo or sad when I encounter problems. Which is definitely a big plus.

Am I enhanced or optimised?

With my first shot of TRT to bring up my testosterone levels from the low end of the range up to the middle/upper range, I can't help but think to myself, am I enhanced or am I merely optimising and taking back what I should be having - a healthy testosterone level.

On the idea that testosterone is used as a shortcut to get better, I do not think I am taking any shortcuts as I have done my duty of maxing my potential in the other aspects of my life - sleep, diet, stress management and fitness. I take a myriad of health supplements, I wake up early to get healthy sunlight and I actively get myself moving whenever I can. In that sense, I feel that I have put in the work. Taking exogenous testosterone helps to put them all together and makes me more motivated, such that it feels good to put in effort once again.

Assuming that sex drive and erection symptoms are not the issue here, some might argue that my testosterone level is normal for that of a man in his 30s (15.4 nmol/L). However, I'd question back why would I want to just be normal? If I have the potential to optimise my testosterone levels to that of a man in his 20s, why would I not do it? 

Aside from the health risk of killing my sperm and potentially having higher cancer risks in the prostate and colon in the long term, I see testosterone as a greater benefit. After all, people are willing to drink alcohol and smoke to comfort themselves and make themselves feel better, why then is exogenous testosterone seen as the bigger villain? 

On top of that, I am not bringing my testosterone levels to supraphysiological levels like those of professional bodybuilders giving them the enhanced potential beyond normal human means.

If people were to ask me if I am on TRT, I would be very transparent and tell them I am, but I would go further to explain that it is different from steroids in that I am not enhanced above human testosterone levels. The normal male T range is 10 to 35 nmol/L, whereas bodybuilders can reach 50 nmol/L or even more. TRT should replicate our natural physiological levels from when we were at our most healthy (early 20s). My testosterone level three years ago when I was 27 y.o. was at 24.86 nmol/L, which clearly shows a marked drop in amounts. That is the reason why I have had significant symptoms of low test recently (and some others that I noticed have grown since some years ago).

In 6-8 weeks, I have to come to a decision on whether I plan to continue getting Nebido TRT shots, and that decision would determine how TRT will continue with me down the years. The longer I sustain on TRT, the greater the barrier to me getting out of it cold turkey.

In the meantime, I shall continue to observe the changes in my physiological and mental conditions over the next few weeks.

PL-300 Power BI Exam

Just completed the PL-300 exam and I must say it was one of the harder exams among the few I have taken recently for my career growth. The passing score required is 700/1000 and time seemed so tight I literally used the entire time given down to the last 5 seconds with the last few questions unable to be reviewed.

I gotta say it's a sigh of relief when I saw my grade attained to be 770/1000 (Passed). I was honestly mentally prepared that you know what if I fail, it will be okay because it was that difficult. But I'm grateful for this outcome.

In hindsight, some reflections on what helped and what could have been done better:

1. Skillcertpro

Using a study question bank really helped me. I bought from Skillcertpro a study pack of 30 exam question sets. Funny enough I only practised on 8 exam sets because it was a lot (each exam practice took me 2 hours to finish). This was I think the biggest contributor to my learning.

2. Online Instructor Course

I took an online instructor-led Power BI Data Analytics course that follows the Microsoft Learning Path. The course provided me with exposure to Power BI and Power Query and made me understand the foundation of these two software. I must emphasise the foundational aspect because the PL-300 exam was far far beyond what was taught in this class. Beyond learning the ETL process on Power Query and creating visualisations for a dashboard in Power BI, you have to understand the WHY behind doing the actions because the exam focused a lot on case studies. I'd say take a course to get an understanding of Power BI if you never touched the software before but if you have experience with the software then this is not necessary.

3. Skillable guide lab practice and Microsoft Learning Path

The Skillable lab practice provided as an additional self-assessment by the online course was beneficial because I took the practice on my own time and completed it myself to better understand Power BI. It is very comprehensive in learning Power BI hands-on, and since the class might be slower and miss out on some parts, this Skillable lab really covered each chapter accordingly. However, one issue was that it only covered the basic Power BI topics (transform data, create data models, visualise data, share data). The harder topics like DAX Functions, Data Connections, RLS Data Security, Data Modes and PBI Service were barely touched upon.

Ultimately, doing practice questions from the question bank really helped me tackle the exam questions because I did notice a trend after a while that questions kept reappearing. 

Now I can finally put away this stressor and focus on my next upcoming major exam at the end of the month: PMP 

Shall we ask each other these questions?

If you’re in a room with everyone you ever met who will be the one you’d look for?

If someone gave you a box of everything you ever lost, what is the first thing you’d look for?

If you had a chance to relive one day of your life, which day would it be and why?

If you could receive a letter from your future self, what advice or insight would you hope to find in it?

Imagine if you had a chance to revisit a moment in the past, which moment would you choose, and what would you do differently?

If you had to define your purpose in one sentence, what would it be and how does it influence the choices in your daily life?

Started TRT

Last week I took the step to go see my doctor for testosterone issues as I felt that my libido, sex drive and erections have suffered significantly since a few years ago. What pushed me to go forward was my recent low drive in life, not having the same aggressive energy that I used to have, and when my doctor asked if I had any morning wood, I knew that was the kicker.

I have not had any morning wood for some years, never once was I concerned about it, until the doctor asked about it and I realised that was something that’s been missing.

So 3 years ago when I did a health checkup, my testosterone level was at 24.86 nmol/L, now the report came back at 15.4 nmol/L at the lower end of the range. 

My GP, who I really like because he takes his time to explain and clarifies my concerns, told me that I can give Nebido a try 1000mg/4ml (Testosterone Undecanoate).

So came the injection with a whopping 4ml of oil into my butt (2ml on each butt cheek). I was afraid that the needle would hurt because so many reddit users said the giant needle was painful as hell, but when the needle entered there wasn’t any pain. As the doctor took his time to inject the oil, there was this growing discomfort (not pain but just a really sore feeling expanding inside my cheek) and I could feel some ache going down the leg. One needle of 2ml took about a minute to inject I think, so two of that on each cheek.

I started to ponder to myself, would I be doing this lifelong? Would it make my life much better? What’s going to happen from here?

I’d say this first experience was a good one, and surprisingly fast to get administered from my first consult.

I shall journal my experience as the days go by, what symptoms or improvements are felt.

Comfort and Effort

Some funny thought got in my head while I was doing my sauna protocol.

The idea that testosterone makes effort feel good, while on the other hand, having comfort is not that great for masculinity. So like effort is “eff” - for fucking. It takes effort to fuck and it builds your testosterone. 

Conversely, comfort “cum” - for ejaculation. When you ejaculate, it feels comfortable and you lose all your motivation while the feel good sensation takes over you and testosterone level “drops”.

Okay bye.

Adjustments to Routine

Changelog

1. Whey Protein and Creatine
Taken every morning, 24g whey protein (1 scoop), 5g creatine (2 tsp),  1g matcha (1/4 tsp)

• Added Matcha for caffeine and appetite increment
• Consumption changed from training days to include rest days. Everyday 1 protein shake, for improved protein intake and muscle growth recovery 

2. Supplements

Taken daily, total 7 pills, including fish oil, multivitamin, ashwagandha, maca root, biotin, prostate support, testosterone support

• Consumption changed from training days to include rest days. Everyday supplementation, for consistency of supplement support
• Added Fadogia Agrestis and Tongkat Ali, to increase testosterone support for energy and libido

3. Heat therapy

Once a week. 15min interval x 4 cycles. 5-10 minutes rest in between.

• Converted from infrared sauna / steam sauna / onsen pool to proper dry traditional sauna for best results for hypertrophy protocol

4. Workouts

5 times a week weekdays. Body part plus legs plus abs per session within 90 minutes

• Changed to morning workouts for better mood enhancement through the day

Who you're around is who you'll become

I find exceptional truth in this, especially from my recent change in workout schedule from working out after work, to before work early in the morning. The people who work out in the morning seem to have much more drive and dedication, because they made the difficult decision of sleeping early, leaving the comfort of their bed and heading out to the gym in the dark before sunrise.

The morning men look more focused, disciplined and show a stronger intention of why they're there. I see none of the in-between-sets phone users and draggy socialising chats around me in the morning. If you're there at 6:30 am, you're there to do your routine, push hard and get out to continue your day. It also helps that (based on my observation) guys who train in the morning are better looking and give off greater masculine energy, as though the general testosterone level is above that of the common crowd.

This change to a morning routine on weekdays before work has given me a greater sense of dedication and improved my mood to succeed in my fitness goals this year. I find that it has made me enjoy the hard work and drove me to prioritise fitness as the first thing I look forward to each day.

I would say there is a different vibe I'm getting from my workplace, or generally the people I see outside of fitness, where there is a sense of ennui and listlessness in their lives. At work I often hear people saying they're tired, they have no energy, they have no motivation, they want to go home, and I find that immersing myself in this environment over time kills off my motivation. This brings me to the idea that I should always surround myself with the top-tiers, people who are better than me, and stronger-willed than me so that I will push myself harder and become a better version of myself. We're social animals after all and we look to our peers to gauge our own performance.

I will keep to my goals, surround myself with the right people, and make the first year of my 30s an exceptional one.

Addiction vs Excellence

“Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that give you pleasure. A good life is a progressive expansive of the things that bring you pleasure. And even better to that is pleasure through motivation and hard work. If you experience pain and continue to exert effort, the rewards are that much greater when they arrive” 

Social, Porn and Netflix are worse than you think, Andrew Huberman

Testosterone

Thinking of taking exogenous testosterone (TRT) to increase my muscle growth, drive and libido. Shall arrange a consult with a doctor in Singapore to see what’s best but if no action is provided by the doctor then I’ll probably take a plane to Bangkok and get prescription there.

On my personal end, this week has been bountiful for my health and fitness. Been started on the 5x weekly morning workout and 2x cardio sessions that I completed successfully. I am now including once a week sauna sessions as part of my weekly routine for muscle growth and mood enhancement as well. Plus it feels good to be naked so that’s a plus.

Just the thought of testosterone has been lingering in my mind. Its convenient and affordable to consult in Bangkok. I feel that at 30 years old I’m starting to drop off on my motivation and drive so this year I’ll do something about it. It can be TRT or anything else. We’ll see.

Living

Just thinking that several of my childhood fans have already passed. What would they be doing if they were still around?

- Chester Bennington (Linkin Park)

- Tim Bergling (Avicii)

- Matthew Perry (Chandler Bing)

Paternal Communication

Trying to understand why I have zero relationship with my father. Not only do we not talk, I also cannot put myself in a situation where I am alone with him or I will just leave and walk off. And sometimes when destructive thoughts get really bad or after he says something that I feel really hurt about, I just wish he’s not around any longer. 

This issue stemmed from my childhood where he will lecture me about life but never sought to hear me out or listen to a word I have to say. Then came my coming out journey, when I came out to him and from then on we never spoke again.

Is it the role of the adult child to reach out to the parent or it’s the parent’s duty to communicate and take initiative. I wonder that at times because I would think is it my fault that we are not talking. Perhaps so. 

Some of the deep-rooted issues I identified:

1. Unresolved Conflicts or Trauma: This is a major one for me since on many occasions he made me feel inadequate. I once bought durians for the family and instead of gratitude, he remarked that what I bought was not as good as what my sister gets. Same thing when I bought for my mom a massage chair and he said that was a cheap massage chair not the expensive and good one like what my sister has. And what took the bag was, I was struggling at work working for him, and one day I asked him for help because I felt lost and overwhelmed. He brushed me off, saying that he doesn’t want to talk about it. I immediately quit and left the family business following that.
2. Communication Issues: Communication went from little to none very quickly in the year that I came out to him. There was a lack of emotional expression which often leads to escalating thoughts that this person is not my father because there is no love at all. The problem also comes in his indirect communication via others towards me. He would tell my mother that he expects me to be straight but never tell it straight to my face. Often times he would one-up me in whatever I do, maybe because of his male ego. Like using the tv remote, he will not ask me how to use it but just takes it himself. Which that to me is fine, but there are instances where I feel utterly disrespected. Like when I was planning for a family trip and did a travel itinerary. He didn’t acknowledge my effort and simply just used chatgpt and pasted an itinerary in the group chat like as though his is better than mine. Again, not a single word of acknowledgement of my effort.
3. Personality Clashes: Our age gap certainly led to a difference in our personalities and cultural background. We have a 44 year age gap between us and the way he sees things is traditional and can be very different from how I see things. He is very pro-Chinese is the way he thinks, expecting traditional family values.
4. Expectations and Pressure: There’s this expectation from him toward me to be a straight man having a wife and bearing children for him to pass down the family name. He doesn’t see me for my achievements but merely just think of me as a carrier to continue to blood line. Too bad then because I’m gay. No Chans for you. 

Never in my life have I heard a word of thank you, or appreciation or emotional connection from him. The relationship we have now is just an outcome of that - unmet expectations and failed communication.

Sauna Sessions

Really happy with myself today for ending the week with a completed workout routine, which was a deep surprise to me because this week I was having terrible stiff neck pain and was struggling with some personal mindset struggles about work and life in general. I’m glad I made it, small wins and I’m grateful.

So I was reading about Andrew Huberman’s guide to muscle building using heat therapy and I attempted it over the weekend. The idea is that you stay in a sauna and repeat in 3-5 times, cooling yourself off in between. I did infrared sauna and stayed for cycles of 15 minutes each, which to me were quite a challenge since I have a really high metabolism and I sweat profusely in the sauna room. 

I think the best thing I got out of this was not the muscle building aspect that Andrew Huberman recommended, but the mental feeling of euphoria and brighter thoughts. Something to do with dynorphin and endorphin release, where dynorphin gives the feeling of agitation and discomfort while in the sauna, and then endorphin takes over after the sauna to make us feel euphoric and relieved.

Which makes me think, we’ve got to struggle and feel pain in life to be able to enjoy. It’s simply life’s balancing equation. A core memory of my days in army cropped up, where we would have a really tough day lugging our weapons and backpacks to do shooting drills up a hill, all while under the sweltering hot sun. I would be dripping wet underneath my army long fours each time, and when we got a chance to rest under a shaded tree finally, the sheer sense of relief and euphoria was so immense. Little comforts like a shaded tree where we would never bat an eye for, turns out to become such a relief. That’s the same feeling I got again after doing the heated sessions in the sauna.

Shall pull through the coming weeks maintaining the tips that Andrew Huberman shares and make the weeks to come mindful and meaningful. He’s really such a good mentor to my life and I appreciate him for it.

Routine

Making changes, the first step is to look within and set out a plan for the routines I will take on a daily/weekly basis. I am summarising Andrew Huberman's routine and tailoring it to my own benefit:

Daily Routine:

Waking Up - Wake up between the time of 5:00am to 6:00am and stick to that rhythm. To achieve that, aim to sleep from 9:00pm to 10:00pm

Hydration - Drink 2 glasses of water first thing in the morning, instead of picking up the mobile phone to doom scroll on social media.

Blended Greens - Early in the day, blend a cup of fruits and vegetables (cucumber, apple, celery, banana, spinach, berries, carrot, nuts or whatever)

Sun Exposure - Head out as soon as possible in the daytime and get 10 minutes of sunlight while walking to generate visual optic flow (walk outside or to work in the morning, as soon as possible)

Caffeine - Consume coffee 2 hours after waking up for adenosine regulation, after getting sunlight and movement. Stop caffeine intake after 2pm STRICTLY.

Meal - Eat a strong low-carb meal packed with fruits and vegetables, STRICTLY NO fried foods, NO raw foods, NO processed foods.

Intermittent Fasting - Eating meals within the 11:00 am to 7:00 pm window and fasting outside of that time, only taking supplements outside of that time.

Dim Warm Lighting - Switch to candlelight or warm lights at night and stay away from phone and computer screens before sleeping

Reading - Do bedtime reading, between 10-30 minutes to relax the mind and get into a state of rest

Supplementation - Daily supplementation stack containing multivitamins, fish oil, zinc, saw palmetto, stinging nettle, pumpkin seed oil, lycopene, maca, ashwagandha, tongkat ali and biotin

Protein Shake - Contains whey protein, collagen peptides protein and creatine

Weekly Routine:

Hypertrophy Training - Shoulders, Arms, Chest, Back with Legs and Abs every session keeping within 1.5 hours each session with total sets of 16-20 and total reps of 8-12 (total of 4-5 workout days per week)

Cardiovascular Training - Running or High-Intensity Interval Training (twice a week)

Contrast Therapy - Cycling between heat exposure via sauna/onsen (15 mins), then cold exposure by ice bath (3 mins), and repeat back and forth for 3-5 times (once a week)

Physiologic Sighs - Taking two consecutive inhales (first inhale and second pull more inhale) and then one full exhale and do this deliberate slow breathing for about 5 minutes

Active Recuperation - Ensure every day of the week meets fitness and health criteria as a means of active recovery. Varying between hypertrophy workouts (4x a week), cardiovascular training (2x a week) and 

Non-Sleep Deep Rest - Practice Yoga Nidra for 10 mins each night lying down and making a mindful scan of all parts of the body and imagine sinking and relaxing into the earth

An acronym NEWSTART to help keep at it:

nutrition, exercise, water, sunlight, temperament, air, rest, tenacity

Will I feel fulfilled

There is this struggle of deciding between continuing working in the business with my family or get a job out there and paving my own career direction.

If I were to stay and climb the ladder in the family business, will I feel more fulfilled and content with myself? The reason why I am thinking to leave now is because I don't feel that personal growth and fulfilment, to the point that I’m like an empty shell serving the expectations of others than myself. And worse still, I don’t feel any recognition from the very people I’m serving, so even if I rise up the career ladder in my family business, would I feel any better? It’s a difficult choice and one that is further complicated by the strained relationship (or the lack of any) with my dad. Like how we don’t talk at home and he puts up a facade to others like we’re good. I think that’s a key reason why I need to leave. I must.

All these pent up feelings are calling out to me to take action. Just like back then when I had my first break up with a woman and then subsequently a first breakup with a man (funny isn’t it). That drove me to take action in my life to pull myself together and put shit tons of effort into reclaiming my fitness and physique. 

I’ve got to take action for myself now, only now it’s for career and personal development.

New Year 2024

I’m excited for this year as a whole new set of challenges has been set out in my new year resolutions.

Woke up first day of the year next to Kenneth and we’ll have breakfast with his parents. That’s a great start to the year. I feel so welcomed by his family it almost feels like this is what my family is like, in contrast to my own family whom we don’t really talk if at all.

For my resolutions this year, here’s a few key things I want to achieve this year among the Personal Development stuffs.

Take video editing in my own hands and take it seriously for real. Don’t keep procrastinating that it’s a skill that someone else will teach, that I got to attend some class or watch some YouTube video to be adequate. Just make them and don’t care if it’s bad. Grow from there.

Do something about my career. Don’t compare with others but compare internally, am I growing in this job. If I’m not, then move. It’s nothing to do with being paid better yada yada because it’s about self worth and value. Am I growing or stagnant? Make a change and take action if recognition doesn’t come.

Good health and fitness and a good looking body feels excellent, so do lots of that. Morning workouts are challenging but it’s fun, and the feeling of having completed it feels the very best. I’m glad I started the habit of exercise in the morning but I must keep the morning workout momentum and train to be an athlete, achieving for myself fitness challenges (IPPT, Spartan, Hyrox) that come up in the year.

And lastly, it’s time to get out of my bubble. Go on the apps and talk to people, make friends, don’t be afraid to meet people for coffee. Talk to strangers, have wholesome conversations, learn what others have to offer.