Testosterone and Life Updates

 I have lost touch from this blog for half a year and wow so much has happened.

Firstly, I have upped the testosterone dosage from 200mg to 300mg per week so as to go on a "Sports TRT" cycle to see how my physique gets better. I have noticed that the main side effect is acne on my face, turning into itchy acne. Other things have been great - libido, and emotional balance. I have topped recently which surprises me since I've been the bottom all these years with weak erections. Oddly enough, I have also lost the urge to bottom because it no longer feels sensual from getting fucked. Maybe its the testosterone that makes me want to fuck instead idk.

Secondly, my partner introduced me to a Bear Pool Party and its my second time at such gay events. In comparison to the one earlier this year's Pink Party, this time round I allowed myself to get more intoxicated and let loose a little, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed my time. Of course, there were nasty moments where I had to give charity kisses to guys because I was just too drunk to drag myself out of it, and gosh those were some bad kisses. But overall, I met my previous fun buddies and the group I was hanging out with was really nice and welcoming. What a relationship milestone for me and my partner.

Thirdly, my family has purchased an expensive new house, and I have been tasked to be the project manage the whole renovation and move in plan. The situation with my dad has been cordial lately, and I mean we are in better talking terms now that there is a common topic of new house renovations to create conversations for. But I also start to think how fucking boring my father is, because there is nothing exciting or fun about him. This whole project for him feels like a job (I'm not complaining since I get a new house to stay in), but liaising him with the contractors and vendors feels like a chore because my dad just distrusts everyone and puts everyone to such unreasonable terms using his experience and expertise as a benchmark for what people should deliver. Anyway, I'm just serving this job because its for a month but this also gave me an affirmation that I definitely should not work directly with my dad for future projects because he is such an uptight and boring person to work with. I imagine a new house planning process to be more fun in other families.

Now its one months away from moving day and things are getting in place. Excited for staying in a new house very soon!

On a NEW START

Completed reading a book today called A Statin-Free Life. And inside, it talks about methods to live a healthy life without insulin resistance and chronic inflammation which are the key risk factors for most of today's health problems. 

Hence, I want to dive back to the acronym I have always reiterated, as some of the key points were mentioned in this book. After all, these basic fundamentals of our life are almost too obvious but we simply neglect them in our busy lives.

Nutrition

• Three meals a day
• Eat fully and eat slowly
• Include 3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil daily
• Eat tree nuts daily
• Eat vegetables
• Oily fish at least three times a week for Omega 3
• AVOID added sugars, high-fructose fruits, packaged carbohydrates, ultra-processed foods

Exercise

• 1-hour exercise 5 days a week
• 50-70% maximum heart rate of intensity
• AVOID sitting or lying down all day

Water

• 2 litres of water a day
• AVOID caffeinated or sugary drinks

Sunlight

• 30 minutes of sun exposure a day
• Apply sunscreen
• AVOID mid-day sunlight

Temperament

• Spend time talking with friends and family
• Have a healthy balance of socialisation and isolation
• AVOID staying in the room using the phone all day long

Air

• Take 10-minute mindful breathing sessions
• Practice conscious nasal breathing 
• AVOID indoor air pollutants and 

Rest

• Full 8 hours of rest
• Stay consistent 9:30am - 5:30am
• AVOID using the phone before bedtime

Toughness

• Keep it going consistently

Masculinity Protocol

Starting my protocol for improving virility and androgenic hair and muscle growth.

- Testosterone (twice a week)

100mg/0.4ml each injection dose for a weekly total dose of 200mg

For muscle growth, libido, mood and mental wellbeing

Frequency: Wed night + Sun morning

- Cialis (twice a week)

Each pill 20mg

For virility and cardiovascularity

Frequency: Wed night + Sun morning

- Derma Rolling (twice a week)

Face and chest at 10 rolls horizontally, vertically, diagonally over all areas

For hair follicle growth and growth factors

Frequency: Wed night + Sun morning

- Minoxidil (twice a day)

Face application 1ml twice a day across all areas

For hair growth

Frequency: Daily morning and night

- Penis Pumping (daily)

Penis pump 3 times of 5 minutes intervals

For penis enlargement

Frequency: Daily night

Testosterone Updates

Looking back, it has been 181 days (6 months) since I took the plunge and got my first testosterone jab from the clinic, and 112 days (3.5 months) since I decided to venture out on my own and take the risk to administer Testosterone via UGL methods. The timeline goes as shown below:

Started on Testosterone

February 2: Nebido - T Undecanoate 1000mg/4ml

[38 days]

March 11: Nebido - T Undecanoate 100mg/4ml

[31 days]

April 11: Hilma Biocare - 62.5mg/0.25ml 

April 14: Hilma Biocare - 62.5mg/0.25ml (125mg per week)

April 17: Hilma Biocare - 75mg/0.3ml

April 21: Hilma Biocare - 75mg/0.3ml (150mg per week)

April 24: Hilma Biocare - 75mg/0.3ml

April 28: Hilma Biocare - 62.5mg/0.25ml (137.5mg per week)

May 1: Hilma Biocare - 75mg/0.3ml

May 5: Hilma Biocare - 75mg/0.3ml (150mg per week)

May 8: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml

May 12: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml (200mg per week)

May 15: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml

May 19: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml (200mg per week)

May 22: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml

May 26: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml (250mg per week)

May 29: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml

June 2: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml (250mg per week)

June 5: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml

June 9: Hilma Biocare - 125mg/0.5ml (250mg per week)

June 12: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml

June 16: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml (200mg per week)

June 19: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml

June 23: Hilma Biocare - 100mg/0.4ml (200mg per week)

June 26: Zerox Pharma - 100mg/0.4ml

June 30: Zerox Pharma - 100mg/0.4ml (200mg per week)

July 3: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml

July 7: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml (175mg per week) 

July 10: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml

July 14: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml (175mg per week)

July 17: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml

July 21: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml (175mg per week)

July 24: Zerox Pharma - 87.5mg/0.35ml

July 28: Zerox Pharma - 75mg/0.3ml (162.5mg per week)

July 31: Zerox Pharma - 75mg/0.3ml

I tried pumping for the first time

It was scary as hell putting my junk into the pump device. And using the hand pump to squeeze out the liquids time gave me fear as I could feel the suction pulling on my groin. It was such an interesting experience training my junk to superphysiological levels and I am excited to do this every day as part of my self-improvement masculinity journey. So much so that I even bought a 2nd pump right away (HydroExtreme5) to try a fit that was closer to my size.

I bought a Penis Enlargement Pump

I've been deliberating about this for a while. I'm sure many men will feel insecure about their penis size and for me especially I feel even more insecure given that my penis isn't super sensitive to begin with.

Earlier on in my life at 20 years old, I made the impulsive decision to get a circumcision because my foreskin was too tight. Pulling back the skin hurt and this meant that I had a difficult time enjoying sex. Hence, I just went to a doctor and got a circumcision surgery as quickly as possible. There was some trauma due to my penis getting an erection post-surgery and it tore apart the stitches. There was a lot of blood and my penis had some scarring after that. I think this was the reason why my penis became less sensitive to this day, making my erections go away rather quickly.

Sex with my partner and hookups have consisted mainly of me being the bottom but I feel that I enjoy topping as well but I just cannot perform it. Still, unfortunately, my penile issue has resulted in my becoming a bottom. I have to constantly provide physical stimulation or my penis will get soft easily. If foreplay takes too long, or if I take just a little while longer to put on a condom, my penis will go soft and it no longer gets back hard again.

I went on TRT since the start of this year and as much as it has helped me in my emotional wellbeing, physical hypertrophy and androgenic hormonal effects, I have not felt much improvement in my sexual performance when it comes to doing the deed. I do get close to an 80% rate of morning wood occurrence but I don't feel like I have an increased libido, and neither do I feel like my erections are harder or longer lasting.

Hence I decided to purchase my very first penis pump and I went for the Bathmate HydroExtreme Wide Boy 7". I am going to start practising daily 3 rounds of 5 minutes pump sessions and hopefully it will increase sensitivity and length + girth gains.

More updates to come once the HydroExtreme gets shipped over to me!

Contentment and Gratitude

This week, I attended a 2-day leadership course and it taught me a lot. There were many key ideas for learning as a leader managing teams at the workplace, handling conflicts and providing recognition to others. And from this, I have learnt that it is important we do not be afraid of giving praise to others. In fact, we should make it an innate habit to consciously give others our positive recognition of them. Nowadays, especially in Asian societies like Singapore, we live our daily lives having lots of expectations of people and take for granted what others do for us. It is only when things go bad that we start coming up with opinions and leaving bad reviews. This is a common trait seen every day in Singapore.

One thing I took away most from this course was that to be a better leader, you first have to find balance in yourself. We must be able to exhibit contentment in our lives and be able to extend gratitude in all manners of our everyday routine. It is at this level of zen that we let go of our insecurities and be able to find inner happiness.

I have been comparing myself in terms of financial success as I turned 30 to other people, but I failed to realise that I am already quite well-to-do. Maybe not in the financial sense, but to be able to do what I enjoy, excelling in fitness and be the best physique I possibly can achieve. Having beautiful relationships with the people around me. Having the peace and safety to go about my life without worry. I have a lot to be thankful for.

I hope to make this blog my gratitude journal and live life to its fullest. I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Appreciation, Inspiration, Realization

Over the weekend, I had the chance to have a simple lunch with the family and it was in such moments that I feel truly blessed. I am glad that I pushed through for it to happen.

Last week, I was in a dilemma as I could not figure out what everyone wanted to eat. I was half wanting to cancel the whole lunch as I could not think of a place that would meet everyone's preference and still be able to be booked. Then I stumbled onto AIR CCCC which was this interesting new farm-to-table concept that I saw on the news, so I wanted to give it a try. Emailed them and managed to book a table at the last minute.

Came the day we met up and had lunch. The funny thing was, the restaurant itself was really mediocre and did not live up to my hype. The service staff was pathetically lacking in hospitality and the food was of a level closer to 'farm' than 'fine'. Despite the lack of ambience, it was a good opportunity for the family to catch up on my belated birthday.

What stood out most for me was that Kenneth was finally eating out with my family. This means a lot especially since we are gay and for my parents to accept us eating together in public shows that they are accepting and proud of us as we are. For the past three years, Kenneth has only eaten with my family over at my sister's place.

My sister was sharing with me about how she planned to have a lunch gathering with her family and her son wanted to bring along his girlfriend, but my sis felt that it was too soon for such an occasion to eat out together with her yet, as it has only been a few months of them together. And this showed me how eating out as a family was a significant milestone for me and Kenneth (well at least for my family, since Kenneth's family ate out with me from the very beginning of our relationship).

I'm appreciative of this very moment of my life when things are going relatively peacefully and I hope to take this chance to strive for bigger things in the upcoming months for myself, professionally in my career and individually in my personal aspirations.

TRT Adjustment: 175mg per week

I think I might have found a comfortable dosage for my TRT. I adjusted from 200mg down a little to 175mg and it made me feel less 'congested' internally. Congested in the sense of being more alert and awake and having better sleep and better breathing. 

I noticed that just a slight change in dosage allowed me to experience a consistent morning tumescence every single day without fail. On the side, I have also been taking Cialis when needed for sexual occasions but on average I feel that I have become more attuned to the optimal male testosterone levels. 

My nipples no longer feel hard or itchy, due to the heightened Estrogen levels from Testosterone conversion. But I definitely noticed an increased level of libido and horniness, since I have been nutting regularly for the past week. One downside I have is that the pimples on my forehead have left some darkened pigmentation spots and they don't seem to ever go away. Hopefully, with time my skin will heal and go back to its previous luster.

Rekindling a connection

It has been three weeks since the family lunch on June 16, when my parents and sister's family came together to have a formal lunch and get together in an external location. For the most part of the lunch, it was us having conversations and we had a round-robin-styled sharing to keep everyone involved, where a question was asked, like "what are you most thankful for in the past year", and everyone shared 1 thought.

So this went on until toward the end of lunch when my sister highlighted an observation to my dad saying that he constantly looked at my nephew, who was sitting next to me, and that was a sign that he was trying to speak out to me. Me and my dad I had a situation that had been going on since I was a kid but got significantly worse when I came out 5 years ago. The tipping point was during the midst of Covid when I cut off acknowledging him and speaking to him because I felt that he was not respecting me as a person, and more so worsened by the fact that he still had his expectations of how I should be - a heterosexual son bringing home a wife to continue the family line. And I think those years separated us widely. Perhaps it was during those times as well that gave him the time to come to terms with accepting my homosexuality and my partner.

Regardless, back to the lunch, my sister said why not let this very occasion restart the father-son relationship and start afresh. We can forget about the past and begin a new chapter.

So since then, over several weeks, I started to put in more effort to acknowledge my dad and speak one or two sentences to him. At the same time, I also noticed that he tried to carry conversation with me. Sometimes I disagree with him, but I put that aside and do my best to speak to him.

After watching How To Make Millions Before Granda Dies with my parents over the weekend, I thought it was also a reminder that parents are not around forever, and they may not be perfect but we can do our best to embrace what little they offer us before they're no longer around. After all, he may not have been there for me physically as I was growing up, but he worked hard to provide for the family financially. And that is enough.