Joined my friends for badminton yesterday and it was a great experience. Its been awhile hanging out in a social activity setting and I gotta try and get my social skills up and running again. Idk but the feeling of joining a rather new group of people in an activit feels kinda intimidating especially when there's all the banter, and I don't wanna seem standoffish by being quiet and in a corner so I participate and laugh and smile but then sometimes I become part of the banter then I don't know how to hit back at the conversation. Its just something I gotta learn and do better I guess but all this aside the badminton event was nice, given its a bunch of us gays playing badminton so its a healthy social activity. Really look forward to making it a regular one for myself since its good to keep myself active with a sport on top of my routine muscle building and fitness training in the gym alone. I met a past date whom now looks to have glowed up and living his best life, so I feel really happy for him and we even played as badminton match partners. Its a nice feeling that even though life went separate ways but somehow as you meet again, that person looks to have even more charisma now and it makes them so attractive, but not in the I wanna fuck him kinda way. Its nice to see people leveling up after 5 years, having seen their former selves. Anyway, times are pretty good lately, just life going by and nothing fancy. I wanna fix my sleep issue because thats the main problem I'm facing currently as I am unable to sleep well, and I get really tired during the middle of the day and at night I become wide awake for some reason. Scheduled a sleep study test in two weeks time so thats good. And I'm heading to China this weekend for a work trip so looking forward to that too!
Birthday month - the gift of friendships
I've been feeling fuzzy and warm these past few days. This year, I feel truly blessed to have found a group of gay friends — something I never thought I needed before. But now, it's become a kind of identity, a safe space where I feel seen, understood, and like I finally belong.
Looking back, I realise I’ve never really had friends who were consistently there. My straight friends were always kind, but often preoccupied — wrapped up in their own lives, relationships, and priorities. I was usually the one initiating catch-ups, while they devoted most of their time to their girlfriends, and friendships took a back seat. I was used to it.
With my gay friends, though, it’s different. It feels refreshing. We travel together, make time for activities, and show up for each other — even with our busy, adult schedules. It’s a kind of chosen family I didn’t know I was missing, and I’m really grateful for it.
As I turn 32, I want to keep investing in myself — physically, aesthetically, and mentally — and keep striving toward greater heights. I’m determined not to let anything hold me back from living the life I truly want, even if the obstacle is someone I love.
Lately, my relationship has been going through a rough patch. I’ve been feeling restricted, like parts of me are being held back. There are differences in our perspectives and the directions we want to take in life. And while I still care deeply, I’ve come to realise that if it doesn’t work out, I’d rather be single and free to live life on my own terms.